标题：The Last Human

转载自: 水木社区

Admin (系统管理员)

There was a knock on the door. It was the man from Microsoft.

"Not you again," I said.

"Sorry," he said, a little sheepishly. "I guess you know why I'm here."

Indeed I did. Microsoft's $300 million campaign to promote the Windows 95
operating system was
meant to be universally effective, to convince every human being on the planet
that Windows 95
was an essential, some would say integral, part of living. Problem was, not
everyone had bought it.
Specifically, I hadn't bought it. I was the Last Human Being Without Windows
95. And now this
little man from Microsoft was at my door, and he wouldn't take no for an
answer.

"No," I said.

"You know I can't take that," he said, pulling out a copy of Windows 95 from a
briefcase. "Come
on. Just one copy. That's all we ask."

"Not interested." I said. "Look, isn't there someone else you can go bother for
a while? There's
got to be someone else on the planet who doesn't have a copy."

"Well, no," The Microsoft man said. "You're the only one."

"You can't be serious. Not everyone on the planet has a computer," I said.
"Hell, not everyone on
the planet has a PC! Some people own Macintoshes, which run their own operating
system. And
some people who have PCs run OS/2, though I hear that's just a rumor. In short,
there are some
people who just have no use for Windows 95."

The Microsoft man look perplexed. "I'm missing your point," he said.

"Use!" I screamed. "Use! Use! Use! Why buy it, if you can't useit?"

"Well, I don't know anything about this 'use' thing you're going on about," the
Microsoft man said.
"All I know is that according to our records, everyone else on the planet has a
copy."

"People without computers?"

"Got 'em."

"Amazonian Indians?"

"We had to get some malaria shots to go in, but yes."

"The Amish?"

"Check."

"Oh, come on," I said. "They don't even wear buttons. How did you get them to
buy a computer
operating system?"

"We told them there were actually 95 very small windows in the box," the
Microsoft man
admitted. "We sort of lied. Which means we are all going to Hell, every single
employee of
Microsoft." He was somber for a minute, but then perked right up. "But that's
not the point!" he
said. "The point is, everyone has a copy. Except you."

"So what?" I said. "If everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you expect me to
do it, too?"

"If we spent $300 million advertising it? Absolutely."

"No."

"Jeez, back to that again," the Microsoft man said. "Hey. I'll tell you what. I'
ll give you a copy. For
free. Just take it and install it on your computer." He waved the box in front
of me.

"No," I said again. "No offense, pal. But I don't need it. And frankly, your
whole advertising blitz
has sort of offended me. I mean, it's a computer operating system! Great. Fine.
Swell. Whatever.
But you guys are advertising it like it creates world peace or something."

"It did."

"Pardon?"

"World peace. It was part of the original design. Really. One button access.
Click on it, bang, end
to strife and hunger. Simple."

"So what happened?"

"Well, you know," he said defensively, "it took up a lot of space on the hard
drive. We had to
decide between it or the Microsoft Network. Anyway, we couldn't figure out how
to make a profit
off of world peace."

"Go away," I said.

"I can't," he said. "I'll be killed if I fail."

"You have got to be kidding," I said.

"Look," the Microsoft man said. "We sold this to the Amish. The Amish! Right
now, they're
opening the boxes and figuring out they've been had. We'll be pitchforked if we
ever step into
Western Pennsyvania again. But we did it. So to have you holding out, well, it'
s embarassing. It's
embarassing to the company. It's embarassing to the product. It's embarassing
to Bill."

"Bill Gates does not care about me," I said.

"He's watching right now," the Microsoft man said. "Borrowed one of those
military spy satellites
just for the purpose. It's also got one of those high-powered lasers. You close
that door on me,
zap, I'm a pile of grey ash."

"He wouldn't do that," I said, "He might hit that copy of Windows 95 by
accident."

"Oh, Bill's gotten pretty good with that laser," the Microsoft man said,
nervously.
"Okay. I wasn't supposed to do this, but you leave me no choice. If you take
this copy of Windows
95, we will reward you handsomely. In fact, we'll give you your own Caribbean
island! How does
Montserrat sound?"

"Terrible. There's an active volcano there."

"It's only a small one," the Microsoft man said.

"Look," I said, "even if you did convince me to take that copy of Windows 95,
what would you do
then? You'd have totally saturated the market. That would be it. No new worlds
to conquer. What
would you do then?"

The Microsoft man held up another box and gave it to me.

"'Windows 95....For Pets'?!?!?"

"There's a lot of domestic animals out there," he said.

I shut the door quickly. There was a surprised yelp, the sound of a laser, and
then nothing.
(The Last Human 英语笑话 www.tuoude.com-兔偶得-笑话大全|幽默笑话|成人幽默|经典笑话|搞笑短信|冷笑话|小笑话)

2008-02-17 20:55:08

121.27.116.*

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